How not to open a shed door

The outrageously nasty winter finally, FINALLY gave way to a climate that wouldn’t eat your face off. We cautiously ventured outside to marvel at our seemingly alien warm, green backyard. I opened the shed to grab some landscaping tools. My kid wheeled out his bike. “Be sure to lock the shed when you’re done,” I said.  “OK, Mom.” The shed…

What?

Requesting my first-ever restraining order, part 2

So, Horsefly was out of my apartment. His toothbrush was disposed of in accordance with federal rules governing the handling of biohazard materials. I mailed his other random forgotten bits en masse to his mother’s house, to counteract any excuse of his to stop by to retrieve it. A couple of days later, an email:…

Requesting my first-ever restraining order, part 1

Many years ago, the year after my divorce, I attempted my first foray into online dating, with a niche site for geeks. One fellow got my attention, but our acquaintance quickly devolved into an embarrassment most of my friends don’t even know about. We’ll call him Horsefly. We dated and talked on the phone several…

When to Say No to a Kiss

Oh, when I saw the profile I knew I should back away but did I listen?  No. “Longest relationship: less than one year.” Let’s call him “Robot Goldfish,” or R.G. for short. I started an email conversation with him, which triggered a three week spate of walks, dinners, and phone conversations which seemed pleasant enough, just…