I packed my grown-up stuff wrong

Over the years, I amassed a decent collection of… Adult toys. They’re fun like prizes inside cereal boxes without the torture of slogging through a pound of wheat. They come in such pretty colors and fun shapes. When it was time to move into my first apartment as a single mom, it scared me to…

Never date an evil elf

I dated an elf once. Not the nice kind. I mean the impy little elf that steals your left socks from the dryer and hides your keys when you’re late for work. He was cute though, in a weird way. I’m not sure why, but WOO, I wanted to dunk him in my coffee. He…

What?!

How to spam your own inbox with amateur porn

One afternoon, in the throes of caffeinated boredom, an idea for a joke Craigslist post hit me in a flash. “Are you better than my dildo?” would be the title. It was a sweet little list of things that a real boyfriend could do, like bring home dinner, call me in the afternoon just to say…